Saturday, November 16, 2013

One & Done

I've been running out of blogging steam lately, and am at a loss for things to write about.  Judith's still doing well, and I'm very happy about that!  Our lives are seriously kind of boring since we haven't been venturing out as much because of the weather, and there just isn't a lot of indoor options in our area (at least that I'm aware of, and I fully admit I haven't done a lot of research on this).  So rather than bore you with the mundane details of our days, I thought I'd address something that's starting to come up for us.

Judith's going to be 3 in a few weeks, and we've had a few people ask us when we're going to have another baby.  Inquiries haven't been frequent, but they're starting to pop up and I have a feeling it'll start to come up more the older she gets.  This year our situation is something I'm having a harder time with, possibly because this is around the time that we thought we would start to try to have another child.  But if you've been following our story for a while, you'll know that it's something that can't happen.  Oh, the possibility is definitely there for me to actually get pregnant, but it's not advisable for us to risk it.  I have the severe preeclampsia to thank for that.

The majority of people are understanding when we say that Judith will be our only child, and even if they press further we tell them that we can't for medical reasons they accept the response and move on.  There are and always will be the few nosy turds who insist on spreading their agenda no matter what you tell them, and to those people I want to tell them to get a grip, check their filter, and learn a lesson in tact.  I feel fortunate that I haven't encountered many of the second type of people, but I have friends who are one and done who have encountered these types of people so I've been able to build up a small arsenal of responses that are polite yet to the point.

It really doesn't matter if someone is one and done for medical reasons or if it's by choice.  Please don't blow off the person's reasons and tell them they are "selfish" for only having 1, and then go on to say how your child will be "deprived" because they won't have a sibling.  The "selfish" reasoning can sting enough when said to someone who is one and done by choice, but to say it to someone who's one and done for medical reasons?  If you want my honest opinion, that's sinking to a new low, and is equivalent to kicking a dog when they're down.  As for my child being "deprived," I can guarantee you that she is most definitely not deprived of anything.  But thanks for your asinine assessment, random stranger that has absolutely no idea about our life, yet feels the need to go on and on about the "perils" of having only 1 child.

Do I sound a little bitter?  Yep, because I am a little bitter about our situation this year since we're approaching the time when we thought we'd like to start having another child.  I was able to push that reality off for the last couple of years because we were in survival mode or working to get Judith caught up, and the reality of being one and done was put on the back burner.  There's no denying it now, and while I'm starting to get back to a place where I'm ok with it, it's been difficult for the last couple of months.  It feels like the thoughts and emotions that I had after Judith's premature birth, and the grieving process I had to go through for the loss of the last 11 weeks of my pregnancy.

At the same time, I've been having days when I'm glad that the choice to be one and done was made for us by my body, because I have no idea how the heck I'd be able to handle more than 1 kid.  Judith runs me ragged most days, and add her therapies/treatments on top of that, and it's no wonder why I'm usually crashing in my bed by 9:30 or 10:00 at the latest.  I'm sure that if we were able to have another baby, I'd make it work, and we'd be fine.  But then those complex thoughts come back: the thoughts of not being able to have the choice to have another, and at the same time being content with our lives as a family of 3.

So as I run after my soon-to-be preschooler and listen to the crazily hilarious things she's saying these days, I wonder what it would be like to have another child, and wonder how Judith would interact with a sibling, but also feel blessed that we have her and feel content with our situation.

1 comment:

  1. Becca, you have every right to only have one child. I was my mom's only biological child and the only reason I'm even here is because of a compassionate doctor who knew I was my mom's only chance to have a child. I was born at 28 weeks 30 years ago because my mom had severe pre-eclampsia, when they weren't resuscitating 28 week preemies. My mom chose later on to adopt another child because it wasn't advised for her to have any more children.. So even if Judith is your only child, that's okay. There are other options if later on down the road you change your mind, but it is entirely up to you! I have my son and my preemie daughter and I'm done. I'm not planning on any more. Don't you let anyone tell you different.